Suffer
by Shufuku
Summary: does anyone really know what it means to suffer?
1. Bite the Bullet

Suffer

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon. A brisk wind blew through the trees stripping their branches of their brightly colored leaves. They danced about in the yard of Funbari Inn to a beat only Mother Nature could hear. Birds chirped in the nearby bushes and the normal hustle and bustle of the local city could be heard in the distance.

It was a type of day that you could find Yoh Asakura sitting on the roof of his humble abode soaking in the day's last twilight rays before it became nightfall.

But he wasn't there.

In fact, the carefree, simple-minded, shaman was nowhere to be found. The kitchen in the house and bedrooms lay silent to an eerie, almost choking atmosphere that flooded every corridor. And not a single ghost was present, not even Amidamaru. Simple and seemingly unnoticeable sounds resonated throughout Funbari. The slight drip from the kitchen sink, the air conditioner, it all became a mass of uneven resonations.

It was unsettling, even for Hao Asakura who was sitting in the living room sitting across the table from the beautiful itako, Anna. But at that moment, there was nothing beautiful at the current situation. If at all possible, it was like a shade of grey had been cast over the both of them in spite of all the color surrounding them.

Anna was in terrible condition. She was hunched over in her chair with a blanket across her shoulders that was recently placed there by Hao. When he walked inside, he found her in that state, not moving a muscle, ridden with malnutrition from not eating properly for at least two days. Her lips were shriveled and her beautiful dark eyes that were once full of life were now nothing but empty holes.

It pained him to see her like this, with hardly any life in her. It wasn't too long ago that she would have slapped him regardless of how powerful he had already become, but it was he himself who had brought her to her knees like this in the first place, which was why he was there…to settle things.

He cleared his now dry throat, "I'm going to get straight to the point Anna. You already know that Yoh is dead, body and spirit. He's gone…" he was reluctant to look her in the eye. "…and I killed him."

She said nothing. Still lifeless. Eyes still staring into nothing.

He continued, "You know that I was in pursuit of becoming Shaman King that I spent lifetimes becoming who I am now. And now, that goal is almost within reach." He clenched his teeth, "You…along with everyone else, knew that if you tried to oppose me that dire consequences would ensue. And in doing so, Yoh was killed."

Still nothing.

"But in my conquest for killing all of these wretched humans, I hope you would believe me to still be sensible. I have come to give you an opportunity in consequence for killing my brother…your fiancée. I hope that this moment can make up for a lifetime of pain you'll have to endure."

He reached into his coat and pulled out a pistol and sat it on the table, "This is the weapon I used to kill Yoh. It's a pistol specified after Marion's own weapon. It's designed to kill both the body and soul. And in such, no one can withstand it…not even myself."

Anna's eyes slowly crept to look at Hao directly.

"Becoming Shaman King is what I have always strived to be, but in the grand scheme of things, I find it irrelevant if you are like this. I can't sit idly by and gain from your loss. I've reached an impasse in my heart, torn between two desires. But I have ultimately decided that I just want to see you happy."

He managed to swallow, "Anna I…love you. I did all this for your sake. And for your sake, I'm offering you to end me…if it'll suffice. Anna, I want you to carry out your own sense of justice. And end it once and for all."

A few stale moments passed before Anna's lips parted.

"Justice…"

Hao sighed silently, "Anna, do what you must…because it's all for naught if you're suffering. This is my decision."

She glanced at him, and then her delicate hands reached for the weapon and took hold of the grip. It was cold and heavy and trembled in her fingers as it rose from the table towards her chest.

A hazy voice came from her mouth, "I want to know something."

Their eyes met. Her demeanor had softened, as if trying to counsel him. It unfortunately made him falter a little. Despite being so distraught, she still managed to glow with unparalleled beauty.

"You say you love me…?"

The question caught him off guard, but he managed to stutter out an answer.

"Y-yes."

She cocked the gun.

_This was it._

His mind was clear, _'This is the right thing to do.'_

He knew what that Anna would avenge her beloved Yoh and she had every right to do so.

He closed his eyes.

He could hear her fumbling with the gun in her small hands.

Then she pulled the trigger...

* * *

_conclusion coming soon..._


	2. Bite Your Tongue

He heard a large thud and the ground underneath his seat shook.

Hao's eyes flew open and all in the same instant, he recoiled in horror.

Blood covered the wall behind Anna's chair and a pool formed at his feet. There she lay on the floor drowning in a pool of red. It took a millisecond too long for him to process what had happened…

"Anna!" he scrambled to his feet and picked her up by her shoulders.

"ANNA!"

_This wasn't real. There was no way._

"ANNA PLEASE!"

_She would never do this. What the hell? What does this prove?!_

ANNA!

_Why?_

_**ANNA!**_

_WHY?_

It was no use. Her cold lifeless eyes stared up into the ceiling as he wrapped his arms around her and shook with despair. This wasn't supposed to happen. The bullet was meant for him. Not her.

"I don't understand…I don't-"

He slowly took his hand and slid it across her eyes and sat her down. He took the gun from her hand, and threw it across the room, backed up into the wall, threw back his head, and in that moment, the tears refused to stop. His mind was a jumbled mess now despite the resolve he had built up prior to. He started from the beginning:

He came into the house, found Anna sitting in the living room; he sat down, and began talking.

"Why?"

The silence began to settle in, haunting him with guilt. A cold sweat began to develop on his skin. The woman he loved was gone. He had never connected with such a strong-willed girl in all his lives, and now she was out of reach.

"No matter what, she would have never done such a thin-"

His eyes widened and his breath became stale.

Then it all became horrifyingly clear to him:

Anna, no matter how much she grieved over her beloved, would never succumb to self-inflicted death. And suddenly in the middle of her sorrow, the very assailant that took Yoh away from her walks into her house and hands her the solution to all her problems in the form of a gun. And he dare ask for forgiveness for his crime. He dare to think that he can escape the suffering of being without like her by dying for his sin.

The thought must have sickened her.

_"Justice…"_

Even in her condition, the fire of rage and hate was still within her. No doubt it was. She hated Hao in a way words couldn't possibly begin to describe. And he openly explained to her that he in fact loved her...that it was all for her sake.

"_I want to know something…" _

Love? After all the pain and suffering she had to endure, she had to sit and listen to him spew through his venomous teeth that he loved her. It made her want to vomit. Did he even know what love was…a love like Yoh and she had?

He had no right to say that to her…not now, not ever.

"_You say you love me…?"_

She needed a way to explain it to him. A way she could use to truly define how much anguish she felt without Yoh, how lonely, how afraid, how frail and weak she felt without him. If she was to suffer, then Hao should as well. He stole her love away…

"_Y-yes,"_

…then she will steal his love away from him, even if it was herself.

"You win, Anna."

Silence.

He should have never come to Funbari. He should have bit his tongue. He should have never loved her. He should have never done any of this if he was going to be distracted from his goal of annihilating human life if he was going to throw it all away for love. He should have just left her alone. She would have lived on and suffered through her loss…but he killed her.

It was a sin he couldn't forgive.

He turned his head towards the gun lying in the middle of the floor. He stood to his feet and walked towards it. He picked it up and checked the magazine.

One bullet left.

"Sorry Anna, but I'm not as strong as you are. I won't be able to suffer through if you're gone."

He cocked the gun and pointed it to his head.

...and pulled the trigger.

* * *

_**Yo peoples. it's me, Luke. I know you might be looking at this story like "what the hell?! this was horrible!"**  
_

_**but that's just it. i wanted to address a topic that is hardly talked about that i feel should be talked about more often.**_

_**Suicide.**_

_**recently, i lost a friend of mine to suicide and just like a lot of people, i escape to writing to get my mind off it or try to vent. in this instance, i used one of my favorite characters to express how i feel about it. **_

_**you see, **_

_**i've been there.**_

_**living in the Mariana Trench of your mind with the ocean crushing your heart and stifling your lungs. it doesn't matter how you got there. you're just there. and you have no desire to get out. **_

_**i've been there at the end of my bed with my dad's hunting rifle wedged between my teeth, begging, pleading with God. asking him. why? why is the world so cruel? to me. and why do i feel like nothing but a burden?**_

_**i see it all the time on this site. people act like depression and suicide is normal now. but it's not. **_

_**please understand. that life will always let you down, but it's up to us to pick ourselves back up. people run around all the time trying to fill a void in their hearts with sex, money, late nights, and long walks. i've been there. but genuine agape love is the only cure. **_

_**please, please, don't let suicide be the permanent solution to your temporary problems…**_

* * *

anyway, i'll be back to making my interesting and not so sad stories very soon. hope that helped someone in a way.

LATER!


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